It is really hard to let go of the feelings you always had to treat someone as an ordinary person when in fact, they are special. To move on your own with an empty heart. To smile even if you are in pain deep inside. To let go of the person you wanted to be with forever. To accept the reality that we are never meant to be together. To give up everything even if you still wanted to try.
Even though I have “stopped” liking you, I can’t help but stop when I hear your name. I can’t help turning my head to the direction of that voice. And when I’m alone, your name keeps resounding in my head. Just then, I would always think of the things that we could have had, of all the things that could have happened, and all of the things that hadn’t.
I guess, I have never really stopped liking you, I just pretended I did. By doing so, I thought the pain of losing you will fade away. But I was wrong. It is just getting worse each day. But, what choice do I have? I just have to face each day on with the hope that one day, I’ll be okay.
Author’s Note: This doesn’t necessarily reflect how I feel at the moment. I may be speaking in the past as this was taken from my death notebook (wherein I keep old literary (more like diary entries) works of mine).
At sana nga mawala na yung lecheng love and care na yan. Nakakasakit lang ng damdamin eh. Punyeta. Isang text lang na magkasama kayo ni ano, naiiyak na ako. Takte. Pa’no pa kaya kung nakita ko? Shet. MOVE ON Mel! MOVE THE FUCKING ON.
Alam mo yung feeling na lagi ka nalang pangalawa? Yung feeling na kelangan mo pa talaga maghintay. Yung feeling mo ikaw pa ang nang-agaw. Yung feeling na, YOU’RE JUST A FUCKING SECOND CHOICE.
☑ Hold you.
☑ Kiss you.
☑ Play with your hair.
☑ Trace patterns on your hands.
☑ Keep you warm.
☑ Watch your favorite movies.
☐ Tell you how much I love you.
How I wish I could have those moments back and tell you that you mean the world to me.
Someday, I will forget you. Someday.
Stop making me feel these things when you don’t have the intention to do so in the long run. I’m sick and tired of being just a fucking choice. So stop it. Just stop it.
Hindi kasi lahat ng bagay na dadaan sa salita. Minsan kailangan din niya magpakita ng motibo dahil kahit gano pa katalim yang dila niya once na pumalpak yan sa gawa, edi wala din. Sayang effort mo sa kakasalita.
